Still drunk and hungover, my friend Barron thought it would be a good idea to buy a beaver.
After a long night of drinking, Barron and friends stopped by the famous Soulard Farmer’s Market in St. Louis to find something to eat. Walking through the market they came across a vendor with a few coolers in front of his stand, each labeled respectively “Squirrel”, “Muskrat” and “Beaver”. $15 later they had in there hands a skinned and frozen beaver.
Beaver? What the fuck were they thinking?
“We thought it would be easy and tasty”, Barron said. The head and tail were still attatched and it was “flat as a board, probably from stacking it in a freezer”. Once getting back to his place he spent an hour researching beaver recipes and only found 3. He said, “All of them called for a quart of ketchup and beer to boil it in”.
“Fuck it, I’m going to grill it.” he remarked. The beaver continued to thaw out as he travelled to our friend Joe’s house.
Once there he opened the cooler and the room instantly smelled of formaldehyde. He removed the head and tail then quartered it like a chicken because who the fuck knows the correct way to prepare beaver. Cutting off a small piece of arm he threw it in a pan and attempted to sear it. It wasn’t happening.
“It just looked ugly. The meat didn’t really brown, it braised strangely and turned an ugly shade of grey”, Barron said as also he described how “wet” the meat was and his attempts to dry it out.
He took a bite.
“It tasted like formaldehyde too and had a consistancy of liver. It just didn’t feel right, kind of tough and mushy at the same time” he explained.
That’s when Barron threw in the towel. He said, “it definitely exceeded my expectations of bad”.
Somebody else then took over and marinated it for about an hour. Unfortunately Barron doesn’t remember who it was or what they marinade consisted of. It was then tossed on the Weber grill.
“It reeked up the entire neighborhood and maybe ruined the grill” Barron said.
Todd, originally from Indonesia, tasted a little bit and said it reminded him of water buffalo and continued to eat it, apparently reminding him of his childhood.
At the end of the day the beaver tail was left on the grill, never to be used again. Joe ended up moving and left the grill in the backyard to surprise the new tenants. Maybe they should’ve used ketchup and beer.
March 7, 2008 at 11:01 am
Barron sent me some other photos that I didn’t feel were “appropriate” for the site. We’re trying to keep this shit kid-friendly over here so they weren’t posted.
March 7, 2008 at 1:53 pm
been reading your webtsite for about a week now, and this has to be the most insane idea yet. I guess I can see the thought of eating that…but to just grill it up and try it? haha that’s crazy as hell, any way to host those pics elsewhere?
March 7, 2008 at 2:09 pm
check your email
March 7, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Here are the pics if you really want to see them:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/24314777@N08/tags/beaver/
March 7, 2008 at 3:06 pm
i regret even asking haha
March 7, 2008 at 4:02 pm
just goes to show ya boys - never eat a beaver with teeth.
March 7, 2008 at 8:58 pm
dude that is some ALL BAD
March 7, 2008 at 11:26 pm
Should’ve gotten squirrel.
March 8, 2008 at 6:27 am
You guys need to come to the dub vee for a road trip. You can’t eat road kill in baltimore or wherever the fuck you are at. My grandma makes squirrel gravy you’d kill a man to get. We boil beaver pretty frequently too, especially this time of year when the floods are flushing them out of their dams and they are easy to catch. If you are in West Virginia shoot me an email and we’ll eat some real critters.
March 8, 2008 at 8:32 am
“it definitely exceeded my expectations of bad”.
Amazing.
I cant even begin to imagine how bad it was.
The oddest meat ive ever had was kangaroo, it too was disappointing, so much to the fact that i forgot i had eaten it until recently when someone brought it up. Basically its gamey and tough (it was cooked like a roast, medium rare to the look and bootleather to the consistency)
March 8, 2008 at 6:58 pm
The mountain reds around the little PA college town I grew up in are renown for their squirrel pot pie. Next time I make a trip to Pensyltucky, I’ll look into getting a recipe from the amish bols that sell them at road side farmer’s markets.
March 8, 2008 at 10:08 pm
This kind of thing is why I really miss Barron. We look forward to this site everyday!
May 9, 2008 at 2:17 am
Shit yes. I will give the meat from ANY animal a try. Live in Australia so unfortunately no beaver here… quick flight to Indonesia and bat and snake are the bomb-diggety.
Kangaroo and Emu are overrated.
Hoorah for being the only country in the world that eats it’s national symbols.