I know I’m a little late with this but I got mad going down right now, last night’s bass music party, metal Christmas party and other retarded commitments so this post has been on pause for a minute.

Anyways, on to getting that tamale money cause that’s what I do! Tamale Day went down for the 6th year in a row this last Saturday. We loaded on fillings this year, with Citrus Pork, Red Pork, Pulled Pork, Spicy Black Bean & Soyrizo, Verde Chicken, Butternut Squash and some other stuff, and finally Black Bean & Sweet Potato. I did the Pulled Pork and the Soyrizo joints, had plans for Chicharron and Cheese but we had so much going down I scrapped that joint.

Day before I brine this shoulder on my balcony cause thanks to MFGrocery my fridge is loaded with nerd beer right now. It’s cold enough in SF that the balcony worked. Took it out, massaged with my rub and slow roasted that joint in my oven. I didn’t have time to smoke it so what I tried to do was make a broth with smoked bones. That idea sucked, I mean yeah I made broth but there was no smoke anywhere.

Oh well, I still had super tender pork. I let it coast at 225 for 7 hours and rest for half an hour. It was so tender, I picked it up by the bone and all the meat straight fell off. It was like I pulled a limp dick out of a wet pork pussy. Pulled it all apart and mixed it with my sauce.

I cooked the shoulder in a pan and collected all the fat, juices, tissue, sauce that cooked off. Poured all that juicy goodness into a bowl. Now most people would make gravy with this. I put it in the fridge and ended up with rich Pork Jello. Originally I intended to mix it with sauce or the masa for flavor but then I got faded so instead I began offering pork jello to anyone willing to shove this gelatinous mixture of pork fat and connective tissue into their mouth. Later I though I did end up whipping it into the lard for some of the masa for the Red Pork tamales we made.

The only picture I have of pork jello is here, my hand is on it.

Tamale day is a strong believer in segregation and prejudice. But rather than using this as hate, we use them as tools. You see white people have tamale day more than enough times. As a result we’ve had to enact some rules. Now I understand some people think this is “wrong” but to those people I say, white people ruin all anyways and Tamale Day is about BROWN PRIDE! We don’t f with that vegan train, rolled tacos, white rice, or mango chutneys or whatever these cornball want to introduce.

The number one crime whites have committed at Tamale Day was touching the steamer. One year a bunch of my hungry friends kept on checking the steamer. The problem with this is that the steam then escapes and condensates on the lid. The water drips on the tamales below which have dropped in temperature so that it takes longer to cook soggy tamales. After that year the coalition of the brown enacted a no white people allowed to touch the steamer initiative.