Yesterday was pretty much awesome.  I ordered an old Charlie Papazian book, “Home Brewer’s Gold” from some biscuit and book store (?) in Georgia and it finally arrived.

You may be asking yourself,  ”why is this so awesome?”.  For starters it has the fucking recipe for Olde English “800″.

I have been on the lookout for a good malt liquor recipe for a while now.  My searching started off with St. Ides and then went to Colt .45 but nothing turned up.  Rumors that a recipe for OE was included in this book were flying around a few beer nerd message boards.  I opened up the book like a kid on Christmas day, went right to the table of contents and quickly flipped to the Gold Award winning entry for American Malt Liquor…

My eyes widened as I quickly made my way through the recipe.  I whispered “yesssssssssss” to myself knowing that I have access to all of the ingredients and equipment required to brew this masterpiece.

So the homies and I are going to cook some of this shit up in the next few weeks.  In the meanwhile, check out some of the absolutely amazing reviews of OE at beeradvocate.com while I try to find a way to put this crap in old 40 oz bottles.  I need to find some 40’s that don’t have the twist-off caps and that would have required a bottle opener but I have a feeling they don’t exist.

EDIT: Here’s the all-grain recipe taken from the book for those wanting to try it out on their own:

Olde English 800
5 Gallons

OG: 1.055 (13.5)
FG: 1.004 (1)
ABV: 7%
Color: 4.5 SRM
Bittering Units: 14

3.5 lbs. American 2-row pale malt
3.75 lbs. American 6-row malt
3 lbs. flaked corn
2 HBU (56 MBU) American Cluster hops (pellets) - 105 minutes (bittering)
1.5 HBU (43 MBU) American Nugget hops (pellets) - 105 minutes (bittering)
1/4 tsp. Irish moss
Wyeast 2007 Pilsen Lager yeast

A step infusion mash is employed to mash the grains.  Add 10 quarts (9.5L) of 130-degree F (54.5 C) water to the crushed grain and flaked corn, stir, stabilize and hold the temperature at 122 degrees F (50 C) for 30 minutes.  Add 5 quarts (1.9 L) of boiling water.  Add heat to bring temperature up to 150 degrees F (65.5 C).  Hold for about 60 minutes.

After conversion, raise temperature to 167 degrees F (75 C) water, lauter and sparge with 4 gallons (15 L) of 170 degree F (77 C) water.  Collect about 6.5 gallons (25 L) of of runoff, add bittering hops and bring to a full and vigorous boil.

The total boil time will be 105 minutes.  When 10 minutes remain, add Irish moss.  After total wort boil of 105 minutes (reducing wort volume to just over 5 gallons), turn off the heat, then separate or strain out and sparge hops.  Chill the wort to 65 degrees F (18 C) and direct into a sanitized fermenter.  Aerate the cooled wort well.  Add an active yeast culture and ferment for 4 to 6 days in the primary at 55 degrees F (15 C). Then transfer into a secondary fermenter, chill to 50 degrees F (10 C) to age for two more weeks, then lager for two to four more weeks at 40 degrees F (4.5 C).

When secondary aging is complete, prime with sugar, bottle or keg.  Let condition at temperatures above 60 degrees F (15.5 C) until clear and carbonated, then store chilled. 

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present the double Jucy Lucy from Matt’s Bar in Minneapolis:

Your basic Jucy Lucy is a 7 oz. hamburger with cheese inside the patty.  After cooking on the grill that cheese gets really fucking hot and will burn the shit out of your lips if you get into it too early.  Add the optional grilled onions and this shit is pretty tasty.

Let’s talk about the first time I had one of these hoes.  It was 2006 and I was in town for Dre Day.  We stopped at Matt’s Bar and Mike 2600 wanted to show us what was up.  We all had a Jucy Lucy, I burned my lip, and then we stopped by the Mall of America where Mike was feeling really ill and DJing at some bullshit clothing store.  I had the awesome opportunity of being on the toilet 6 or 7 times shitting my pants off.   After that incident I swore off the burgers but Mike has since convinced me that they are ok and the shitting episodes were a one-time thing. 

So I got off the plane last Friday really buzzed from the excessive drinking that took place while I waited for for 6 extra hours in the airport because President Bush came to town and brought lightening, along with all of the outgoing flights, down with him.  My shit got cancelled and they put me on another flight which was also cancelled so I headed to the Jose Cuervo Tequileria where I drank rum and cokes and ate carnitas.  After that I headed towards the gate but came across the Budweiser Staduim Club so I stopped and had some bullshit Belgian wheat beer they had on tap.  On the plane I had a couple more rum and cokes so when we landed I was ready to take on this bitch.

We headed toward the 5-8 Club or whatever the fuck it’s called where I planned on starting some shit about how they “allegedly” invented the burger but it was a pain in the ass with traffic so we ended up going to Matt’s Bar where we consumed the only Jucy Lucy of the trip.

The waitress arrived and we placed our drink order.  Mike had a water and I ordered a Sierra Nevada ESB.  As the drinks arrived I asked if they would make me a double Jucy Lucy (not on the menu) and the waitress was confused at the concept but finally after a while Mike did what he’s good at and broke out his pen to draw an illustration of what she proposed.  She said a regular Jucy Lucy with a cheesburger on top would be better, I begged to differ and asked them to stack two of the burgers on top of each other.

The food came and my burger could barely be wrapped in the wax paper.  It was pretty big, probably 15 or so ounces of beef before cooking and about the size of the Big MacChicken.  It smelled amazing.

Mike got a regular Jucy Lucy and we split a giant basket of fries.

This time I waited a few minutes before taking a bite, it was greasy and delicious.  The optional onions really took this shit over the top and it reminded me of something I would make at home.

Dipping fries in this pile of cheese/grease was amazing.

After we left Matt’s we stopped at an art gallery for an opening that Mike’s homie, Todd Bratrud, had going on for his green women in lingerie with lizard tails and shit.  They gave away some fresh t-shirts and shades 

It was fly and Mike’s moustache DJ’d for a few hours while I drank some Summit Pale Ale and shit (only once!) in their basement.  Bitch Ass Darius picked me up and we headed over to Get Cryphy! at First Ave. where Plain Ole Bill yelled directly into my ear all night whenever I played something he liked.

My computer broke.  Deal with it.  I promise to get an update to you before the weekend and then I’ll be posting up in Minneapolis this weekend talking about Jucy Lucys and other dumb shit that I’m going to get into with the homies Mike 2600 and Bitch Ass Darius.

If you’re in Minneapolis and wanna get crunk come out to Get Cryphy! on Friday night in the VIP Room of First Avenue where I’ll be blasting 504 Boyz at people with Plain Ole Bill and Jimmy Two Times.  This party has really grown into some shit you shouldn’t miss.  My goal is to get Bitch Ass Darius to do pushups on the dancefloor.

Or if you wear tight pants you can check me out at Too Much Love Saturday night at First Avenue in the main room with Soviet Panda playing lots of hipster shit for people with hairdos and spiked belts.

-G

I have never made bunuelos but after watching this I fucking want too

Bunuelos are basically fried bread with a mixture of sugar and cinnamon sprinkled on top. They are the fucking truth. I have never made them them myself though but I plan on attempting a bunuelo ice cream cone. I’m still working on learning the process but if you want to try here is a recipe I got from the internet.

Recipe Ingredients:

3 cups flour, sifted twice
1 tbsp baking powder
1 tbsp salt
1 tbsp sugar
2 eggs
3/4 cup milk
1/2 cup butter or margarine
oil for frying
Recipe Instructions:

In a large bowl, mix flour, baking powder and salt.In a small bowl, beat one tbsp sugar, eggs and butter. Stir in milk. Add milk mixture to flour. If dough is too dry, add a few more drops of milk. Knead dough until it is very smooth. Shape into 20 balls. Cover and let stand for 30 minutes.Heat oil one-inch deep in large skillet to 360 F.Roll each ball out on a lightly-floured board into very thin six-inch circle. Fry buñuelos until golden brown, turning once. Drain on absorbent towels. Sprinkle with sugar-cinnamon topping while warm, or drizzle with one of the following syrups. These can be frozen. Wrap separately in freezer bags. Defrost and place in a 350 F. oven for a few minutes to crips.(20 fritter)

If you’ve never had chicharrones then you my friend are missing out on the taste of magic. If you’re wondering just what the fuck I’m talking about, chicharron is pork rind aka cracklins aka pork skin. They are served in a number of ways, most often you can find them seasoned and deep fried.

You can usually cop these at any corner store. I like them but that’s is just some entry level shit into the world of chicharrones. If you really want to taste your dreams then you need to man the fuck up and get some Chicharron Tacos. Thing with them is that they don’t deep fry the skin for the tacos. It’s seasoned and and fried in a pan.

Hands down the best place in San Francisco to get chicharron is La Palma out on 24th and Florida. It’s a Mexicatessan. They sell their own lard, salsas (salsa casero is my favorite), cheeses, tortillas, carnitas by the pound, and a whole mess of shit. You can have your chicharron prepared in a variety of ways. My favorite though is the tacos de canasta. Canasta means basket. These are premade tacos that are put in a basket under layers of cloth to keep them warm. What makes these good is that since they are in the basket the warm tacos sweat in their own steam resulting in a soft and slightly greasy tortilla. Not oily, just greasy enough to give the tortilla a small taste of pork fat. The crispy chicharron becomes super tender and just taste fucking amazing.

Aside from the taco’s de canasta there are also just straight up tacos, these being Tacos Casero. As can be seen below these are much crispier chunks of pork skin. The small chunks of fat hanging on are just another layer in this awesome as fuck flavor profile.

Finally we get to the fucking beast. The chicharron burrito aka the tube of death.

excuse the budlight, I was at my boys house and that’s all he had.

This is not something standard. It’s not on the menu at La Palma but if you ask they will make. Dude didn’t even flinch when I asked for it so I knew I was about to get bodied. I ordered a regular because I didn’t want to fuck it all up with all the shit that comes with a super. That and the thought of jamming this thing full of crema and cheese was scary. La Palma uses real crema, not some bullshit sour cream from safeway. The first bite was just rice and beans so I thought to myself, fuck I coming through the back door on this shit.

This was the like my third bite and I thought shit this won’t be so bad, a good mix of chicharron and filler. A small amount of relief over came me as I realized this would actually be manageable. I was fucking wrong. I took another bite and the chicharron let me know that this shit was not a game.

This was fucking war. I fought through intense lays of seasoned fried pork skin. In the beginning the flavor just exploded in my mouth with each crack of crispy pork skin, but as I progressed I began to hear a little voice in my head screaming “NOOOOOO!!!” That voice was my stomach. I ignored that voice because this was war and I wanted to win. I fought long and hard but in the end I lost. I got to the heel and while I had destroyed all of the meat that last little bit of rice, beans and tortilla fucking taunted me. I couldn’t put it down. I could have if I didn’t put away 4 tacos prior to this battle but I wasn’t thinking. The burrito fucking murdered me.

As much as I would like to have a rematch I don’t think it’s wise. Yeah I was hungover but this shit is no joke. My stomach was working overtime on that shit. My advice to you is to just have the tacos. Unless you don’t like someone, then ask your taqueria to deep fry your chicharron burrito and ruin someone’s life with that.

in related news, after this and deep fried pancakes my wife is beginning to think that Grocery is a bad influence.

This is why I haven’t been cooking shit.

Lately I’ve been working on my birthday present from Sarah.  She bought me this Magic Chef chest 7.2 CF chest freezer that I’m in the process of converting into a kegerator.   Sorry exotic and stupid food, beer will always win.

I took the lid of this hoe and built a wooden collar out of 2×10’s that sits perfectly on the lip of the cooler.  The collar gives the cooler additional height and provides worry-free drilling so I don’t hit a coolant line.  The extra height permits me to add two additional (5-gallon soda) kegs so I’ll have a total of 6 when it’s completed.

Over the past few nights I’ve been hooking up the CO2 lines and fittings and plan on getting my used kegs cleaned out tonight.  Hopefully I’ll be able to transfer the cider, Pilsner Urkel, Gnome root beer (it’s beer) and English Brown Ale into the kegs tomorrow night and get them carbonated.  I still need to add some insulating foam, seal all of the collar seams and holes with silicone, calculate/install the beer line lengths to get proper pressure, attach the lid and hook up the digital thermostat that will regulate the freezer to beer serving temperatures.

I’ve also been really contemplating buying a gang of St. Ides or Colt .45 40’s and transferring them to an empty keg and having them on tap since my research on brewing my own malt liquor seems like it would be a pain in the ass.  There are ways to transfer the beer without spoiling it, just need to do some more research and bid on a Billy D. Williams autographed 8×10 to hang above the kegerator.  

I’ll be back with more food shit soon.  My homie Daeng just sent me an amazing care package from Thailand that includes some suprisingly tasty durian chips and an assortment of other really cool looking stuff that I haven’t gotten into yet.

-G

I made the jump to all-grain brewing this weekend.  So far I’ve brewed 2 batches of beer (American Wheat from Homebrewing 101 and Pilsner Urkel) using extract kits and decided to take my shit to the next level and actually do all of the work from scratch myself.  Homies DBlue and Shojonz came over on Saturday and we cooked up 10 gallons of Southern English Brown Ale.  If you don’t give a shit about how you can make beer like the breweries at the convenience of your own home than jump to one of Serg’s posts about bacon dogs or deep-fried pancakes, they are way more entertaining.

First, I’ll try to enlighten you guys on the overall brewing process before I nerd out.  In order to make beer, you need 4 things: malted barley (milled), hops, water and yeast.

Here is a synopsis of the all-grain brewing process (taken from John Palmer’s book, “How to Brew“) :

1. Malted barley is soaked in hot water to release the malt sugars.
2. The malt sugar solution is boiled with Hops for seasoning.
3. The solution is cooled and yeast is added to begin fermentation.
4. The yeast ferments the sugars, releasing CO2 and ethyl alcohol.
5. When the main fermentation is complete, the beer is bottled with a little bit of added sugar to provide the carbonation.

I’m going to cover steps 1-3 today.  Steps 4 and 5 will be covered in follow-up posts. 

Step 1:

I needed to buy some more equipment so I picked up a mash tun and sparge vessel (or hot liquor tank) from my homeboy brewd00d.  He sells some awesome rigs and I can’t recommend checking out his site enough.  Here’s the shit in action:

“The Mash Tun is simply used to steep the various grains selected for brewing beer. Grain is mixed with water and allowed to steep for a set amount of time (60 to 90 minutes) which allows the starches to be coverted to fermentable sugars. After the mashing is complete, the liquid mixed with the grain is allowed to slowly drain off through the bottom valve into the bucket.  At the same time, water is introduced from the sparge vessel (or hot liquor tank) and introduced to the top of the grain bed. This allows the residual sugars to be rinsed from the grain and is known as fly-sparging.”

Yes, I copied the explanation above from this place because it was written way better than what I had.

In the photo below (taken from brewd00d’s site because I’m too lazy to go outside and take my own picture) you’ll first see the bottom manifold inside the mash tun which is basically a filter to keep the grain inside. 

For our batch this weekend we heated up 5.5 gallons of water and poured it into the mash tun. Once the water cooled down to 163 degrees we added the milled grain I bought from Dave over at St. Louis Wine and Beermaking and stirred it up to prevent clumps of grain from forming. The temperature of the mash hit 153 degrees so we closed the lid and set the timer for 90 minutes while we drank some of DBlue’s homebrewed lemon wheat and APA beers and heated up some more water for the sparge vessel.  Once 90 minutes passed, we slowly began to drain the liquid (now called wort) from the bottom cooler into the bucket.

Just prior to draining the wort from the mash tun, we filled the sparge vessel with the water we heated while waiting for the mash to finish.  A sparge vessel is basically a giant thermos that is used to hold the hot water at a constant temperature.  This hot water is slowly trickled into the mash tun via the built in sparge manifold.

Here is a photo of the mash tun’s sparge manifold in action.  The manifold is that thing attached to the lid which evenly distributes water to prohibit channels from forming in the grain.  The grain bed has settled and is now naturally filtering shit so I’m not getting grain husks and crap in my wort.

Step 2

Once I collected the required amount of wort, in this case 11.5 gallons, I dumped it into the brew kettle. We collected the extra 1.5 gallons because we are nerds and calculated the evaporation loss from a 60 minute boil.

My not-so-ethically aquired brewing kettle is an old keg that my homie Jamy gave me in exchange for a six pack of the first beer I brewed.  These things are perfect.  They hold 15.5 gallons, are stainless steel and much cheaper than a kettle you would buy from a homebrew shop.  I cut a hole in the top of that bitch with a sawzall and cleaned it up with a Dremel tool.  A spigot was later added after I drilled a hole in the side of the keg and returned the $45 drill bit to Home Depot.  The burner is a Bayou Classic hookup that I got at the same Home Depot and shit is rated at 200,000 BTUs.

Once the wort hit a boil we added our first stage of hops. Hops add bitterness, flavor and aroma to beer. The longer that hops boil they lose their aroma, flavor and then become bitter. So we added some magnum hops for bittering at the beginning of the boil then let that shit go for 45 minutes while we ate some of Sarah’s chicken adobo. With 15 minutes left in the boil we added some East Kent Golding hop pellets for flavor and aroma.

Step 3

After 60 minutes passed we cooled off the wort with DBlue’s immersion chiller.

An immersion chiller is basically a coil of copper tubing that you place in the hot wort to cool it down.  Here’s a damn good explanation by Karl Lutzen and Mark Stevens from their book, “Brew Ware“:

“Wort chillers are used to quickly cool the hot wort after boiling. Rapid wort cooling is important to the making of good beer. It helps to reduce the formation of off-flavor compounds and it allows the brewer to add the yeast to the wort more quickly, thereby reducing the chances for bacterial spoilage. Immersion chillers are usually built from a coil of copper tubing with connectors on each end to which hoses are attached (garden hoses are often used). One connector is run to a source of cold water; the other is run to a drain for expelling the hot water. The immersion chiller offers a simple, effective way to quickly cool hot wort.”

There are a few other wort cooler contraptions out there that are much more efficient but I’ll get into that when I post the “Build Your Own Immersion Chiller” article.

Once the wort was cooled to 80 degrees I drained it into a sanitized fermenting bucket and 6 gallon carboy (big glass jug). I made a yeast starter from a pack of English Ale yeast a few days before so it would be ready to kick ass when I placed it in the wort.  Airlocks were placed on the bucket and carboy to allow CO2 (one of the byproducts of fermentation) to exit but keep bad shit from entering and infecting the sterile wort.

I placed the bucket and carboy in the closet of our guest bedroom away from the light.   For this style of beer you want it to be at around 65-70 degrees for optimal fermention and let it go for 11-14 days.

So last night I was at DBlue’s crib and mentioned how much extra wort we had and how I practically topped off the carboy.  He laughed at me and advised me to check on it when I got home and I’ll be damned if it wasn’t overflowing with foam (krausen) produced by the yeast.  Here’s the email I sent to DBlue:

“dude.

I got home and checked the bucket and carboy- shiiiit.

The bucket was ok but that fucking carboy practically exploded shit everywhere. No glass breakage but it probably wasn’t too far off. The airlock has crap all up in it and I tried to release some pressure but was greeted by a spray of foam shit all over the front half of my body and the closet wall. I managed to wrap my shirt around the top of the carboy and airlock but the middle piece of the airlock kept coming out with the foam so I said fuck it and walked downstairs and built myself a blowoff system out of an old #7 bung, some tubing, an avocado and a glass bowl from the kitchen filled with sanitizer (that I sanitized the tubing and bung with). I hope I didn’t contaminate anything but I’m assuming not since all the shit was on it’s way out.

I’d say we’re bubbling away like a motherfucker now.”

To be continued…

I finally got my hands on some Batter Blaster. When the internet first told me about this shit I couldn’t believe it, fucking pancake batter in a bottle. This shit is fucking organic too! I copped it at Whole Foods, they keep them in the refrigeration aisle. Batter Blaster is cute cause you get to shoot it on the pan but that’s for kids. I wanted to spray this shit in my deep fryer for some real magic. These are the results.

The dynamic duo

this is my first attempt. It failed because the batter blaster shoots out in a stream so it turns into funnel cake, not so much pancake.

After these results I decided that I should pour the batter into a measuring cup and just dump the shit into the fryer. This worked out much better.

made a triple stack and poured syrup on top

At this point I began to debate if it was really worth it. But then I thought of Grocery and his loss to the MacChicken. I wasn’t going to let some bitch ass pancakes take me out the game so I bossed the fuck up and manned that shit

Over all the batter itself was kind of good but the problem with the pancakes was so much grease. Shit was hella oily. I was thinking maybe I should mix water into the batter so that slows the oil from penetrating the pancakes so much but I don’t know how well that would work.

Would I do this again? FUCK NO. My stomach is kind of on smash right now and I had to pound some antioxidants to help me feel better. Salad is a necessary after that shit. I basically ate a heart attack, but I’m glad I did it.

You may have heard Murphy Lee and the St. Lunatics rapping about these shits from Old Vienna.  If not, get learned.

I started up a potato chip exchange on a message board I frequent just because of these chips.  I felt the need to spread the wealth across the globe.  In return I got some really dope chips from all over the place (durian ones are on their way from Thailand).

Wondering what makes these so damn good?  They are fucking hot and have a sweet and smokeyness to them.  I don’t know what else to say.  I shouldn’t even be writing about food because I’m horrible at reviewing shit.  All I know is that these are pretty hard to find outside of St. Louis and Old Vienna only makes this one kind of chip… or so I thought.

I found these bitches at Global Foods Market.  Sure half of the bags on the shelves were past their expiration date but I got these and they had a few weeks left on’em.  So far I’ve opened the cheesy ones and they are alright but I’ve never really been a fan of chips with cheese powder on them.  The few that I had didn’t seem to have the same heat as regular Red Hot Riplets so I was kinda pissed.

Going through the shelves I also found this beauty:

Seriously.  I have no idea how I ever missed a hot sauce from the best potato chips on the planet.  They must only make 4 or 5 bottles a year because I have never seen these in any of the supermarkets.  Next time I smoke a pork shoulder rest assured that I will be liberally applying some of this shit on it.

So holler if you want to send me some of your local potato chips.  The only thing I’ve had that can hang with these dudes, so far, is from Tim’s Cascade.  Tim gets a lifetime pass for his amazing Maui Sweet Onion and Alder Smoke joints, both of which you can order on their site so make sure you pick up a few bags.

EDIT: I just checked Tim’s site and sadly the alder hookups were no where to be found.

-G

A few years ago my employer held a cocktail hour at Mihalis Chophouse.  The event took place immediately after one of our big company events and it was supposed to be a show of gratitude for all of the hard work we put in that year.  So I stood around drinking free cognacs for a while and noticed some of the employees grazing on appetizers.  After a quick look at the menu I ordered the hummus plate because I wasn’t paying for shit.

 It was delicious.  The pita chips served with the dip were warm and dusted with a cumin-based rub.  Feta cheese sat next to the pools of drizzled olive oil and tomato slices.  It all worked.

Ever since that cocktail hour I’ve tried a few hummus recipes and store bought product but none have came close to the perfection that was achieved that day except one.

Here’s my hummus recipe that makes yours taste like ass:

2 cans garbanzo beans, drained and rinsed
Juice of 1 small lemon
2 tbsp tahini
3 tbsp freshly ground cumin
Extra virgin olive oil

Add garbanzo beans, tahini, lemon juice and cumin to food processor and blend while drizzling in olive oil until you reach the desired consistency.  If you are being a pussy then substitute water for some of the olive oil but absolutely no more than half of it.

To serve: warm greek flatbread in cast iron pan and top with hummus, fresh greens (arugula is the bomb!), feta cheese, cherry tomatoes and a few drizzles of sriracha.  Add a few strips of grilled/rotisserie chicken or falafel patties for an amazing sandwich, like this motherfucker pictured below:

The secret is the sriracha.  Don’t go fucking around and forget to add it.  Trust- we’ve been eating these shits practically every night for the last week.